Accountant: A man hired to explain that you didn’t make the money that you did.
Actuary: A person who brings a fake bomb onto an airplane because that decreases the chances that there will be an actual bomb on the plane.
Bacteria: The rear portion of a cafeteria
Bigamy: Large pygmy
Consultant: A person who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.
Fungi: A comedian; the life of the party
Lawyer: A person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief."
Polygon: Dead parrot
Professor: Person who talks in someone else’s sleep.
Programmer: A person who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
Psychologist: Man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
Quadrillion: Dance requiring four million participants
Schoolteacher: A disillusioned person who used to think they liked children.
Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant
University Faculty: 500 egotists with a common parking problem.
Wino: The opposite of "Why yes"
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