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Actual signs posted in foreign countries as reported by American tourists…

PARIS HOTEL

Please leave your values at the front desk.
JAPANESE HOTEL

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
ZURICH HOTEL

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
NORWAY COCKTAIL LOUNGE

Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.
MOSCOW HOTEL

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
BUCHAREST HOTEL

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
BUDAPEST ZOO

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
COPENHAGEN AIRLINE OFFICE

We will take your bags and send them in all directions.
SWEDISH FURRIER

Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
POLISH MENU

Roasted duck let loose and beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
SWISS EATERY

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
HONK KONG DENTIST

Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.
PARIS SHOP

Dresses for street walking.
RHODES TAILOR

Order summer suits early. In a big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
BANGKOK DRY CLEANER

Drop your trousers here for best results.
ROME LAUNDRY

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.