funny movie quotes | A Day at the Races | the Marx Brothers | clown ministry

You are here: Funny movie quotes >funny movie quotes | A Day at the Races | the Marx Brothers

(Taking a pulse)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Whitmore: Hackenbush
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): WHO?
Whitmore: Dr.Hugo z Hackenbush
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): WHO?
Whitmore: H-A-C-K-E-N-B-U-S-H HACKENBUSH

Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you.

Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Oh, well, uh, to begin with I took four years at Vassar.
Mrs. Upjohn: Vassar? But that's a girls' college.
Groucho: I found that out the third year. I'd 've been there yet, but I went out for the swimming team.

Whitmore: Just a minute, Mrs Upjohn. That looks like a horse pill to me.
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Oh, you've taken them before.
Whitmore: Are you sure, Doctor, you haven't made a mistake?
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): You have nothing to worry about. The last patient I gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.
Whitmore: May I examine this, please? Do you actually give those to your patients? Isn't it awfully large for a pill?
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Well, it was too small for a basketball, and I didn't know what to do with it. Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.

(Harpo blows a balloon during a medical exam.)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): If that's his adam's apple, he's got yellow fever.
Chico: He's got in-grown balloons.

(Chico offers Dr. Hackenbush a hint book.)
Chico: One dollar and you'll remember me all your life.
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had.

(Groucho is asked to 'OK' a file.)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): I'm too busy right now. I'll tell you what. I'll put the 'O' on now and come back later for the 'K.'

Flo: Oh doctor. Thank you.
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Thank "yu". Do you like gardenias?
Flo: I adore them. How did you know?
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): I didn't, so I got you forget-me-nots. One whiff of this and you'll forget everything.
(Hackenbush hands her a wilted sunflower. He seats her and pushes in her chair at the table.)
Flo: Thank you.
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Thank "yu".
(handing him her wrap)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Not at all. I always take the wrap.

Chico: She's in with Whitmore. She's trying to frame you.
Flo: Why, I've never been so insulted in my life!
(Groucho looks at his watch.)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Well, it's early yet.

Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): It's the old, old story. Boy meets girl - Romeo and Juliet - Minneapolis and St. Paul!

Mrs. Upjohn: Dr. Hackenbush tells me I'm the only case in history. I have high blood pressure on my right side and low blood pressure on my left side.
Dr. Leopold X. Steinberg: There is no such thing. She looks as healthy as any woman I ever met.
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): You don't look like as though you ever met a healthy woman.

Gil: Are you a man or a mouse?
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): You put a piece of cheese down there and you'll find out.

Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Emily, I have a confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me, and I'll never look at another horse.

Chico: Have you got a woman in here?
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): If I haven't, I've wasted 30 minutes of valuable time.

(Harpo has grabbed some poison to drink)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Hey, don't drink that poison! That's $4.00 an ounce!

Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

(Groucho is pointing to a portrait of one of Judy's parents)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): You know, I proposed to your mother once.
Judy: But that's my father!
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): No wonder he turned me down.

(Harpo is getting an examination)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Say "ah!"
(Harpo opens his mouth, but says nothing)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Louder!
(Harpo does the same thing)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Louder!
(Harpo does the same thing. Groucho starts to leave)
Chico: What are you doing?
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): I'm going to get my ears checked. I'm deaf.
Chico: You're not deaf. It's just him.

(Talking about Stuffy)
Chico: I think he's a ubangi.
Groucho: Well, I'll get a hammer and "ubangi" that right off.

(referring to Ms. Marlowe)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): You've got it all wrong. This is my aunt. She's come to talk over some old family matters.
Chico: I wish I had an aunt look like that.
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): Well, take it up with your uncle.

(After taking his watch from under Steinberg's gaze and tossing it in a wash basin)
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): I'd rather have it rusty than missing.

Dr. Hugo Hackenbush (Groucho Marx): I haven't seen so much mudslinging since the last election!