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Don Knotts in The Shakiest Gun in the West

The Shakiest Gun in the West |Don Knotts dvd movie

The Shakiest Gun in the West begins with Don Knotts (playing the part of Jesse W. Haywood) taking his final exam in dentistry—but his female patient refuses to open her mouth. This leads into a very funny slapstick moment where Don Knotts gets into a knock-down fight with his patient, where the patient throws him around like a sack of feathers for the most part, and accidentally gets knocked out—allowing Don Knotts to finally examine her teeth and pass his exam. Graduating at the head of his class, Don Knotts gives the valedictorian speech, and puts his ‘nervous everyman’ to good use, magnifying a person’s normal nervousness at giving a speech tenfold. He also announces his intention to go out West (the movie is set during the 19th Century, when the American West was still wild and unsettled), breaking his mother’s heart. But he’s determined, and off to the train station he goes, to head out West, where cavities and dental decay are waiting for him, armed with his uncle’s service revolver from the Civil War—a going away present from his mother. His first attempt at demonstrating his new hand gun is a crashing success—you have to see the film to get the joke.

After his stagecoach is held up by “two men,” Don Knotts is paralyzed with fear. In the meantime, we see that the robbers are a father and daughter team, Pop and Penny. The posse is in pursuit, however, they split it, with “Pop” trying to lead them away from Penny. Back in town, Penny is attacking the sherrif and his men, cowering them as afraid of her. Once she’s subdued, a U.S. Marshall offers her a pardon, in exchange for helping them break up a gang smuggling rifles to a hostile Native American tribe. She reluctantly agrees.

In the meantime, Don Knotts goes to buy a covered wagon and supplies, only to get well and truly swindled in a very funny routine, and buys a wagon that can only be an ancestor of Jack Benny’s famous Maxell. The salesman, however neglects to sell him a horse, telling him that there hasn’t been a horse for sale in that town for the last three weeks. Penny, however, is meeting with her contact, who will pose as her husband, as they attempt to infiltrate the gang. That night, however, her contact is shot and the hotel manager (played by William Christopher, better known as Father Mulcahy from the TV series MASH) goes to fetch “Dr. Jesse Hayward”, thinking that he’s a medical doctor. Don Knotts faints at the sight of blood, however, causing the townspeople to esteem him even less. In a funny physical gag, while tying his shoelace as Penny walks by, he ties his shoelace to a potted plant in the hotel lobby, and drags it out with him as he follows Penny to apologize for the previous night. A local dog follows the ‘tree’ that he’s dragging, in a funny visual joke.

Penny is disappointed to learn that the wagon master won’t let her join them, since company policy forbids allowing single women on the train. Inspired, she pursues Don Knotts (as he’s trapped his hand in a giant prop of human teeth. In a funny, vampish scene, Penny uses her feminine wiles to attract the hapless dentist, and succeeds admirably. They’re married before the next morning, with Penny dragging him to the altar. The wedding ceremony is very funny, as Penny is in an enormous hurry to not miss the wagon train, and over Don Knotts’ protestations until a romantic kiss from Penny answers all of his questions.

As they join the wagon train, they pass the gun smugglers, a man impersonating a minister and his “faithful minion” Matthew Basch (played by Jackie Coogan). The wagon train stops for the night, and Don Knotts is looking forward to his wedding night with the beautiful Penny, until he’s told that he has to stand guard duty that night. Eventually, he makes it back to his wagon, where Penny is pretending to be asleep (leaving pillows underneath the blankets), and is is secretly scouting out the wagon train, trying to find the smugglers. Don goes out to look for her, and finds her just as she was looking into the smuggler’s wagon, causing a small commotion. The “newlyweds’ make their way back to the wagon train, and no sooner does Don Knotts try to lay down then it’s time to get up and get the wagons moving!

The next day, the wagon train is moving through Indian territory, as the exhausted Don Knotts falls asleep, with the wagon coming to a halt while the hostile indians attack, firing flaming arrows at the wagon. Don tries to defend himself with his gun, but Penny, unknown to him, does all of the sharpshooting, leading Don to think that he’s a crack shot. It’s a very funny scene, with Don Knotts at his funny best hiding behind a barrel—until the barrel rolls away—and trying to retrieve his hat without being killed. As an menacing Indian approaches, Don Knott’s gun falls apart, and in desperation he points his finger at the Indian and says “Bang?”—only to have him fall dead (from Penny’s shot). The other men from the wagon train come riding to the rescue, and think that Don Knotts is a gunslinger. At the local saloon, he’s asked to tell the story, and in the style of Barney Fife he brags about “his” exploits.

Penny continues trying to meet with her government contact, while Don Knotts goes to buy a black gunslinger’s outfit to go with his new reputation. The reverend, however, now feels that Don Knotts can’t be a dentist, and he’s the man sent to arrest him—so, the reverend pays a gunslinger, Arnold the Kid, one thousand dollars to kill Don Knotts. Soon afterward, the two meet in the street, with a very funny scene that highlights Don Knotts’ clowning skills —and ends with a gunfight scheduled for half an hour later. And in a classic parody of the western gun fight, Don Knotts comes into the empty street, and practices shooting an empty can—only to keep missing. Soon, he realizes that he can’t hid the broad side of a barn. It’s a very funny scene, followed by the traditional western confrontation between the two gunslingers—where once again Penny saves his life, unknown by Don Knotts or the townspeople. In addition, it lets the audience know that Penny is starting to have feelings for Don Knotts.

At the Sheriff’s office, where the Sheriff wanted his photograph taken with “Doc Haywood,” Don Knotts sees a wanted poster for Penelope “Bad Penny” Cushings—his wife. He goes looking for her and winds up in the local church, where the “reverend” and the other smugglers are meeting. Due to Don Knotts yelling at his wife, the smugglers now realize that it’s Penny who’s the government agent, and are waiting for her to be separated from “Doc Haywood” before they kill her. On the way to their hotel room, Penny explains what’s going on, and suggests that poor, tired Don Knotts go to bed. In a very funny scene, he misinterprets her intentions and changes into his bedclothes while Penny changes into her working clothes. She also explains to him that she’s been the one doing the shooting—“I don’t want you coming with me; you might get hurt.” Penny leaves, never intending to come back.

Don Knotts goes down to the saloon’s bar, and tries to tell everyone the truth, that he is no gunslinger, and Penny is the real gunslinger. Jackie Coogan is there as well, and goes off to tell the “reverend” that “Doc Haywood” isn’t the sharpshooter that they think. Penny, however, is kidnapped by two Indians, while Don Knotts is drowning his sorrows in the saloon, pouring his heart out to a sympathetic, homely, drunken dance hall girl. Meantime, the smugglers are delivering the rifles to the Indians, who may kill everyone in town.

As the saloon keeper throws the drunken “Doc Haywood” out, since it’s time to close, he sees the villains drive past, with Penny captive. He takes his guns, and does his best to follow. In the desert, he sees a mirage of water, and keeps trudging through the desert, only to see a second oasis - also a mirage. He sees a third one, and thinking it’s also a mirage he walks through it—only to sink in the water. Eventually, he catches up to the Indian camp, and “borrows” some clothing from skinny dipping squaws. That evening, as the rifles (and whiskey) are being passed out to the Indians, Don Knotts has infiltrated the camp disguised as a squaw. Rejecting the amorous advances of a drunken Indian warrior, he looks for Penny. Finding her, he unties her before that same drunken warrior tracks him down, and tries to get “her” drunk. To get out of this bind, the disguised Don Knotts flirts with another warrior, escaping while they fight. He takes the opportunity to steal a rifle and box of bullets which he gives to Penny. Unfortunately for him, the fight is over, and when the winner picks him up he shouts “Put me down!”

The jig is up, and the “reverend” and his minion Jackie Coogan are there, and challenge the hapless “Doc Haywood” to a gunfight, knowing that he can’t shoot. Unknown to them, however, Penny has loaded the rifle and has his back. Unknown to Don Knotts, however, two of Penny’s accomplices arrive, rescuing her, just as they hear three shots. Assuming that “Doc Haywood” is dead, Penny leaves with them—but miraculously, Don Knotts has won the battle. Now he as to deal with the tribe of Indians.

As the townspeople barricade themselves, the Indians ride into town—with Doc Haywood among them, and all tensions are resolved. How? The formerly toothless Indian chief, Black Eagle, know has a mouthful of teeth, courtesy of Doc Haywood, and after a moment’s problem with the formerly-drunken Indian warrior, Don Knotts and Penny are free to live happily ever after.

The Shakiest Gun in the West is a very funny movie, that my children and I laughed loudly and often while watching, and I hope you do too! I rate it 4 clowns out of 5. You might also want to look at the Bob Hope original of this classic comedy, The Paleface.

Editorial review of ”The Shakiest Gun in the West” starring Don Knotts, courtesy of Amazon.com

(Editor’s note: Don Knotts’ The Ghost Shakiest Gun in the West is available as part of the Don Knotts Relectant Hero 4-Pack) Jesse W. Haywood (played by Don Knotts) graduates from dental school in Philadelphia in 1870 and goes west “to fight oral ignorance.” Meanwhile stagecoach robber Penelope “Bad Penny” Cushing is offered a pardon if she will track down a ring of gun smugglers. She tricks the bungling Haywood into a fictitious marriage as a disguise, and he becomes the heroic “Doc the Haywood” after he guns down “Arnold the Kid” and performs other exploits with Penny’s help (unbeknown to him or anyone else).

Funny movie quotes from The Shakiest Gun in the West (1968) starring Don Knotts

Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): Aw, ma ...
Mrs. Haywood: Don’t “aw, ma” me. It was your father’s sinuses that killed him.
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): He was run over by a beer wagon!
Mrs. Haywood: As he was blowing his nose in the middle of the street.

Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): Just think, Ma, getting ready to head West. In two days I’ll be in Ohio, in one week I’ll be in St. Louis, and in two months ... California!
Mrs. Haywood: What an age we live in. Things are moving too fast.

[On his dream of opening a dress shop]
Pop: Just because I’m rough ‘n’ dirty ‘n’ don’t wear underwear, doesn’t mean I’m not creative.

Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): I don’t like to be called a ‘tender ninny’.
Penny: Tender ninny.

Penny: What wonderful hands, the hands of a surgeon.
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): Well, hands have always run in my family.

Jesse Heywood (Don Knotts): I can’t believe it. Tonight’s our wedding night. In a few hours we’ll stop, make camp, have a little supper, then… beddy bye.

Reverend: Are you afraid of him?
Jackie Coogan: That’s part of it. Besides, if he nicks me, it could ruin my good looks.

Penny: You’re a lot spunkier than I figured.
Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): I get that from my mother.

Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): A bloated thin failure, that’s me.

Dr. Jesse Haywood (Don Knotts): [inebriated] Brush your dentist twice a day, visit your toothbrush twice a year.

Jesse Heywood (Don Knotts): (drunk in bar) I’m not a failure. I’m a dentist, a real dentist! And I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do I’m gonna spread dental health across the West like a plague!

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About the Author

Tom Raymond, aka. Raynbow the Clown, is a professional clown working out of Madison, Wisconsin, and is available for ministry events, conventions and conferences.

Posted by Tom Raymond, aka Raynbow on 03/02 at 10:25 AM
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