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clean funny jokes - Abbott and Costello meet Microsoft Windows

(Editor’s note: the great comedy team of Abbott and Costello passed away before either Bud Abbott or Lou Costello could have used Microsoft Windows™—but isn’t it funny to imagine that they had?)

Lou Costello: Hey, Abbot!

Bud Abbott: Yes, Lou?

Lou Costello: I just got my first computer.

Bud Abbott: That’s great Lou. What did you get?

Lou Costello: A brand new 2 Gighertz Pentium with 1 Gigabyte of RAM, a 100 Gig hard drive, and a 48x CD-ROM.

Bud Abbott: That’s terrific, Lou.

Lou Costello: But I don’t know what any of it means!

Bud Abbott: You will in time.

Lou Costello: That’s exactly why I am here to see you.

Bud Abbott: Oh?

Lou Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.

Bud Abbott: Well, I don’t know-

Lou Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you’re going to train me.

Bud Abbott: Really?

Lou Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.

Bud Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Lou Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.

Bud Abbott: That’s true.

Lou Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?

Bud Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

Lou Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.

Bud Abbott: I know, you press the Start button-

Lou Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.

Bud Abbott: I did.

Lou Costello: When?

Bud Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button.

Lou Costello: Why should I press the Start button?

Bud Abbott: To shut off the computer.

Lou Costello: I press Start to stop.

Bud Abbott: Well Start doesn’t actually stop the computer.

Lou Costello: I knew it! So what do I press?

Bud Abbott: Start.

Lou Costello: Start what?

Bud Abbott: Start button.

Lou Costello: Start button to do what?

Bud Abbott: Shut down.

Lou Costello: You don’t have to get rude!

Bud Abbott: No, no, no! That’s not what I meant.

Lou Costello: Then say what you mean.

Bud Abbott: To shut down the computer, press-

Lou Costello: Don’t say, "Start!"

Bud Abbott: Then what do you want me to say?

Lou Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.

Bud Abbott: But that’s what you do.

Lou Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.

Bud Abbott: Don’t be ridiculous.

Lou Costello: I’m being ridiculous? Well. I think it’s about time we started this conversation.

Bud Abbott: What are you talking about?

Lou Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.