Reasons Capt. Janeway is Better than Capt. Picard

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One word: hair
More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
Hasn’t let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship.
Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to admit they’re lost and pull over for directions.
Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way through.
Looks better in sleepwear.
Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
Isn’t French with an English accent.
Will give you two days off to ponder your life-shattering experience.
Janeway says "I don’t like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to convince them to behave better.
To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way. Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can’t wake up for morning bells.
The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will.
Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
She doesn’t have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of trying to weasel her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
Janeway’s holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs. Picard’s holodecks create maniacal evil geniuses who tried to take over the ship.
She doesn’t need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
Kirk looked good in ripped shirts. Picard looked good without a shirt. Janeway would look… no, they can’t do that on network television.
Doesn’t force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend in with a primitive planet.
She doesn’t waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
Her engineer does not wear a banana clip over her eyes.
Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
Doesn’t have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
Her telepath only lives nine years.
Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has gone before" and took them to the extreme.
Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day come to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the deadliest of force."
Janeway’s Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only Worf could stomach.
Janeway doesn’t have to point which way to go when they set off.
Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.
Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy Paris, are YOU ever stupid."
Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
Has a more manly voice.
Doesn’t have a starship that splits in half when it’s in a tight spot.
Kes. Troi. No contest.
Neelix. Replicator. Ok, this one’s debatable.
At least she doesn’t have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she wants something to drink.
Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
Her CONN officer can use contractions.
None of the crew members’ relatives have ever tried to take over the ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all humankind.