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  • If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
  • Learn to work the toilet seat, if it is up, put it down.
  • Don’t cut your hair. Never. Ever.
  • Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
  • Get rid of your cat.
  • Anything you wear is fine. Really.
  • Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about being stared at.
  • You have too many shoes.
  • Crying is blackmail.
  • Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
  • Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

  • Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
  • A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  • Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
  • If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  • If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we probably meant the other one.
  • Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
  • Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
  • You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
  • Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
  • You have enough clothes.

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