Real Estate Translation Guide
Having gone house hunting, this is *absolutely true*To spare others from dashed hopes, shattered dreams, and tired feet, here is a guide to familiar real-estate ad phrases.
CHARMING - Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See “Cute,” “Enchanting,” and “Good Starter Home.”
MUCH POTENTIAL - Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities. See “Ready to Rehab,” and “Fixer Upper.”
UNIQUE CITY HOME - Used to be a warehouse.
HI-TECH/CONTEMPORARY - Lots of steel shelving with little holes - the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement.
DARING DESIGN - Still a warehouse.
COMPLETELY UPDATED - Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa.
SOPHISTICATED - Black walls and no windows. See “Architect’s Delight.”
ONE-OF-A-KIND - Ugly as sin.
BRILLIANT CONCEPT - Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See “Makes Dramatic Statement.”
UPPER BRACKET - If you have to ask . . .
YOU’LL LOVE IT - No, you won’t.
MUST SEE TO BELIEVE - An absolutely accurate statement.
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