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Accountant: A man hired to explain that you didn’t make the money that you did.

Actuary: A person who brings a fake bomb onto an airplane because that decreases the chances that there will be an actual bomb on the plane.

Bacteria: The rear portion of a cafeteria

Bigamy: Large pygmy

Consultant: A person who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

Fungi: A comedian; the life of the party

Lawyer: A person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief."

Polygon: Dead parrot

Professor: Person who talks in someone else’s sleep.

Programmer: A person who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

Psychologist: Man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

Quadrillion: Dance requiring four million participants

Schoolteacher: A disillusioned person who used to think they liked children.

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant

University Faculty: 500 egotists with a common parking problem.

Wino: The opposite of "Why yes"

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Posted by Tom Raymond, aka Raynbow on 08/16 at 11:16 PM
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