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Funny movie quotes from Abbott and Costello's "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein"

Dr. Lejos/Dracula : Young people making the most of life - while it lasts.
Bud Abbott : I don't get it. Out of all the guys around here that dame has to pick a guy like you.
Lou Costello : What's wrong with that?
Bud Abbott : Why don't you go take a look at yourself in the mirror.
Lou Costello : Why should I hurt my own feelings?
Lou Costello : Well that's gonna cost you overtime because I'm a union man and I work only sixteen hours a day.
McDougal : A union man only works eight hours a day.
Lou Costello : I belong to two unions.
Lou Costello : Mr. Talbot, and I thought you were such a nice man. Look at you, you're a mess.
Larry Talbot : Last night I went through another one of my horrible experiences. Many years ago I was bitten by a werewolf. Now, whenever the full moon rises I turn into a wolf myself.
Lou Costello : That's alright; I'm a bit of a wolf myself!
Larry Talbot : You don't understand. Every night when the moon is full, I turn into a wolf.
Lou Costello : You and twenty million other guys!

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Bud Abbott : It's only a dummy
Lou Costello : Dummy nothin'. It was smart enough to scare me.
Bud Abbott : People pay McDougal cash to come in here and get scared.
Lou Costello : I'm cheatin' him. I'm gettin' scared for nothin'.
Bud Abbott : I'm going out an get the other crate. And no back talk!
Lou Costello : I've got just two words to say to you.
Bud Abbott : What is that?
Lou Costello : Hurry back.
Lou Costello : You know that person you said there's no such person? I think he's in there... in person. I was reading this sign, Dracula's Legend. All of a sudden I heard...
(Wilbur/Lou Costello imitates a creaking noise)
Bud Abbott : That's the wind.
Lou Costello : It should get oiled.
Bud Abbott : You're making enough noise to wake up the dead!
Lou Costello : I don't have to wake him up. He's up.
Bud Abbott : I know there's no such person as Dracula. You know there's no such person as Dracula!
Lou Costello : But does Dracula know it?
Lawrence Talbot : Soon the moon will rise. I've taken the room across the hall lock me in please.
Lou Costello : Lock you in?
Lou Costello : Yes, please. Hurry.
(to Chick/Bud Abbott)
Lou Costello : He's scared too.
Lou Costello : I've got a date. In fact I've got two dates.
Larry Talbot : But you and I 'have a date with destiny'.
Lou Costello : Let Chick go with Destiny.
Lou Costello : I've had this brain for thirty years. It hasn't done me any good!
Bud Abbott : Hey McDougal! You still want your exhibits?
McDougal : Yeah, where are they?
Lou Costello : Here comes one of 'em now!
Bud Abbott : You know the old saying? Everything comes in threes. Now suppose a third girl should fall in love with you?
Lou Costello : What's her name?
Bud Abbott : We'll say her name is Mary.
Lou Costello : Is she pretty?
Bud Abbott : Beautiful!
Lou Costello : Naturally, she'd have to be.
Bud Abbott : Now you have Mary, you have Joan, and you have Sandra. So, to prove to you that I'm your pal, your bosom friend, I'll take one of the girls off your hands.
Lou Costello : Chick, you're what I call a real pal... you take Mary.
Larry Talbot : So! We meet again, Count Dracula.
Dracula : Dracula?
Lou Costello : Yes. That's who he says you are.
Dracula : Oh. My costume perhaps?
Bud Abbott : No. Talbot here thinks you're the real thing!
Lou Costello : Uh-huh. Right out of McDougal's House of Horrors.
Lou Costello : What an odd hallucination. But, the human mind is often inflamed with strange complexes. I suggest you consult your physician, Mr. Talbot.
Bud Abbott : And take him with you, please.
Dracula : What we need is young blood... and brains...